I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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