im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
