If i come over, it means nothing
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
