I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
