I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
