An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
