final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
and she was petting her beer can
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
