oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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