Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
