I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
