we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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