end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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