I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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