Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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