broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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