That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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