Me too!
her vagine was all disorganized.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
