she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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