I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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