I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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