FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
