DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
