can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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