I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
