bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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