just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
