Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
