??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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