oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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