Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
