I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
