Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
