im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
