To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
