college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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