It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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