You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
