Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
