it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
