ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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