I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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