You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
