Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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