dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
