Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This house was built for laser tag.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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