don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
birth control should be required to get into college
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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