Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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