I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
