I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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