Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
