you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
