FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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