No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
