I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
