Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
