I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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