Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It all started with a game of naked twister.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
