how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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