lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
honey bunches of taint.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
