he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
