I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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