dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
