How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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