im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
This house was built for laser tag.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he just fucked me for my cheese..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
