he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
