I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just invented taco cereal.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
