This house was built for laser tag.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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