Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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