Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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