so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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