YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
